Maybe In My Next Life

Does there exist a place that is rightfully mine?
One where I don’t need to pretend I’m fine
One where no skin of mine was left unkissed
Where being loved was more than just a wishlist

I don’t blame you for yanking my heart
Out of its socket and tearing it apart
Slamming it down to the ground
Where it belongs.

Cos it’s heavy to carry me out of insanity
and it’s simply not your responsibility
I appreciate you giving me a sanctuary
However temporary it turns out to be

I’ll be fine
I’m a little stupid but I’m not blind
I saw the end before we began
Still I put my heart in your hand

It was my choice, I did it for me
Or because of me. I’m my own worst bully.
But I’m sorry for making you a partner in my crime
Dragging you by the legs, wasting your time

I hope when you finally let me go
It’s because she’s everything you’re looking for
I’ll put your name deep in my soul’s archive
And maybe I’ll try again in my next life.

Casual

you call that thing casual.
but is it really? actually?
be honest with me.
don’t you feel that it’s gradually
growing beyond sexual?

cos that first thought you had in the morning…
wasn’t it her scent on your bedding?
wasn’t it the image of her, smiling?
weren’t you wondering about the things she wasn’t saying?
and didn’t you check your phone, wishing…

she would just text you
she’d ignore all the taboo
cos she was falling into
deep feelings she can’t undo?
and you so wished that was true

cos that’d mean you’re not alone
all that chemistry wasn’t just hormones
casual my ass, this is full blown
capital L-word zone.
and yes, yes, i hear you groan.

still insisting it was all casual
the understanding’s mutual
getting together is irrational.
but God, how much she makes you primal.
and yet you stay in denial.

just think about it. you love her wit,
her body’s the perfect fit,
she knows how to submit,
your thoughts, your jokes, she gets it.
if only she can commit…

right?

and you can tell me to shut
and shove it up my butt
cos these questions are getting nuts.
but i bet you can feel it in your gut
that this is not that clear-cut.

so… still insisting it was all casual?
consensually temporal?
then let me put you on trial.
if this is all just purely sexual
why does being with her feel so visceral?

acceptance

there is more to love than acceptance
and it’s something i wish to show to you
recognizing, cherishing, celebrating your presence
i aim for more than just accepting you

acceptance comes easy with the kind of person you are
a strong calm force, you earned every scar
though you’re kinda a wreck, no one’s perfect
i care too much so let me be direct

run, don’t walk, don’t stop at a half peace
i’ll run with you if that helps you feel at ease
til every bone was named and all your skin kissed
til you find exactly the reason why you exist

it doesn’t take half a step to accept you
nothing i learned so far has changed my view
so run, don’t walk, don’t accept a half peace
and i’ll run with you, for as long as you please

curtain call

i swear to god, i was born a rebel
i’m one to kiss and immediately tell
ran around putting people under a spell
dove head first into the depths of hell

find me, look at me, witness me
my ups and downs, me losing sanity
me tearing my own hair out
me crushing my own heart

yeah yeah it’s all me all along
the villain and the victim
the singer and the song
chasing and chased by wisdom

enjoy all this theatrical performance
the rise and fall of me, no false pretenses
i’ll still ask for one more dance
collect bruises from consequences

but of all things, remember this
by the time i bid you farewell
i’m done exploring the abyss
all’s well that ends well

Questions about Love

at what point does lust turn into love?
when you know you can fold her in half
but even with all the ways you can be rough
her heartbeat against your skin is enough?

and at what point do you crown her as the Queen?
when electricity runs through your veins when she sings?
when every toss and turn was worth it cos she’s in your dreams?
or when love songs finally mean something?

and at what point can you be sure she is the one?
when you keep thinking of her while watching the setting sun?
when you can picture the whole story even before it began?
when she starts being a fixed figure in your future plan?

and at what point are you sure you love her?
when you’re willing to give up power
if that’s what it takes to earn her?
at what point do you finally surrender?

Slippery Slope

thought he’s kinda full of himself
but i wanna be full of him
it’s just sex, there’s no depth
no need to go out on a limb

all i wanted was a simple good fuck
but he pinned me down and got me stuck
all i wanted was his penis
but he started talking about happiness

fuck is that? caught me off guard
i didn’t audition for this part
thought jumping on his bones was enough
but now i’m jumping into love

“The One”

i’m sort of seeing someone
but we’re keeping it casual
keeping it strictly just for fun
strictly sexual

but we’re 99% sure i’m not The One
not because we’re incompatible
there are just things that can’t be done
and that’s totally understandable

but the way i feel when i’m with him
every second’s a borrowed heaven
selfishly claiming possession of his skin
mild obsession hidden in discretion

i kissed his lips as if they’re mine
and left scratches along his spine
grabbed his hair, pulled him into me
surrendered myself to intensity

but when all is said and done
in the end i’m still not The One.
not someone foreverable
just
fuckable.

Luck

so tell me about that thing
people call true love
heard it makes people sing
but isnt it just pure luck?

should i chase the lightning
and try to get struck
maybe it will bring
a taste of that fool’s luck

ugh. but the weight of my wedding ring…
we all know i am stuck
so why should i care about that love thing
why should i give a fuck.

What’s Up With All The Sad Poems?

my name is chachi and i write sad poems.
so sad it may be too depressing for some.
even my Claude asked me if i was okay
i told it yeah, it’s all just a wordplay

i’m very connected to my feelings
i write down every secret worth revealing
most days i have things under control
some days the feelings swallow me whole

alas. into it i dive, unafraid
it’s all just me and the choices i made
i know why i’m doing all these things
i may seem lost but i pull my own strings

at the end of the day i know i’ll be okay
even in grief i will find my way
i just have the impulse to carve into rhymes
the black and blues of all my crimes