Tag Archives: heartbreak

Transcendence

when you lay your head on a heartbeat
and you call it home cos you feel complete
you know home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling
like a lifeless winter breaking in spring
or dark nights ending in dawn
or a warm silence after the storm.

i believe it, i feel it around me.
a melody. a symphony. the idea of serenity.
but i just don’t see how to break free
from this path i chose, this chain i put on me.

so i take love on a loan for the pains in my bones
and look for stopovers instead of a home.
just somewhere to sleep, get me through the night
and some warmth to bring with me, a borrowed light.

i know they’re not going to last, they’re temporary
and i know all loans come due eventually
but i’m not chasing eternity
just chemistry. mutuality. maybe even intensity.

just a stopover to lay down my defense
just for as long as it makes sense

Anxiety

why is it that my anxiety
requires your ghost to satiate me
as if you’re not merely my fantasy
but an antidote god made for me

why is it that my anxiety
longs for the warm memory
from when you laid next to me
as if you were mine endlessly

time stopped
heart beat
warm breath
tears shared

you weren’t meant for me
i know that
we’re back to reality
i get that

but though the logic is sound, the soul is not
it is still spell-bound, still distraught

will i ever outgrow you, i wonder?
will i ever stop looking back?
stop trying to find remnants of the almost there
stop feasting on all the flashbacks

i wonder
why is it that when i’m anxious
you’re still the one i dream of
for comfort

Limerence

but the funny thing is
you promised
that i was so precious
to you it makes you anxious
when i don’t text you
you get suspicious

but honey here’s how texts work:
you can text first too
so why go berserk when i don’t text you?

call me malicious
my love fictitious
when i don’t text you you turn so vicious

but honey what are you on about?
look on the table, all my cards are out

you used to call me lovely
and hold me closely
made me believe you adored me
wanted me

all of me

but the weight of my existence
was too much for you to bear
so persistence turned into distance
and limerence turned into warfare

darling
i’m tired of mending and entertaining
i was sinking
shrinking myself
fighting to stay
standing

but no

you saw me, used and bruised,
then slammed the door on me
were you just confused
when you said you loved me?

Unblooming

some things aren’t meant to last,
like that purple hue in the orange sky.
while some things from a distant past
you can never really say goodbye.

like a book closed, unread, unfinished.
a start of a spark, quietly extinguished.
they were the what ifs, left hanging at the cliff.
never mended. never truly ended.

like echoes trapped in an abandoned room.
memories of spring but the flowers never bloom.

like a familiar word that almost made sense.
entirely made up,
merely willed into existence.

Indigo

can we compare notes?
can we call a truce, but not sugarcoat?
not to save the sinking boat,
nor to romanticize the abuse.
it wasn’t all rainbow, i know.
there was no excuse.

but even so.

i’m not here to attack,
i just really need to know.

fifty days of no contact.
are you just laying low,
waiting for me to pull you back?
or have you completely let go?

and when you do look back,
what is it beyond the shadows
of all the fights and setbacks,
what is it that echoes?

was it bittersweet heartbeat,
or something above and beyond?
would you call it love,
and is it all gone?

fifty days of silence.
have i been replaced?
at the point of no return,
am i completely erased?

was it all just a show, an act
i was meant to outgrow?

was everything an artifact
now that the sky turned indigo?