There are so many things I could say about him. The fact that he saw me just being myself, he liked me, he pursued me, and he persisted. I was so sure he would give up within months, but somehow the more he dug the more he got stuck. It’s hard to believe, he not only accepts me however I am, he actually wants me. Whatever I throw at him he gladly takes it. He can skillfully handle me. Contain me. Tame me. But above all, he adores me to no end. How did that happen? How was that possible?
A lot of times when I see happy loving couples on social media I treat them as fiction love stories. They’re not real and I may never experience a love like that. And I have accepted that as a fact, because the reality is I am stuck in a life that I thought I wanted. The life that I worked to build, but turned out to be so lonely. So suffocating.
Maybe that’s why I didn’t understand how it can be viscerally powerful: The feeling of being the object of someone’s intense affection.
But then he taught me that. He grabbed my hand and dragged me back into the center of my own universe. It’s unbelievable, the way he saw me, he understood my shortcomings, my toxic traits, and yet he still adores me anyway. It’s honestly hard to believe. And that’s why I kept saying, it’s not real until it’s real.
But then he sat across from me and smiled at me and stared at me like I was the only woman ever existed for him… Now it is real. What am I gonna do about it?
He’s my once in a lifetime. It’s fucking heartbreaking.
Forever a Pretender 