Contradictory

if i threw myself into the sea
i wonder if i will drown completely
for my heart feels so heavy
but it is actually quite empty

cos you see, in the end i have nobody
people come and play, but no one stays with me
i count one mississippi, two mississippi
and i bet you will also leave me

but i won’t hold it against you
though it’s fleeting, it has been lovely
thank you for coming to my rescue
dont feel obligated to stay, you’re not guilty

though i question who do i belong to?
no one else is as stubborn as me
to see the walls i put up, and yet still sit through
love me more than i do, not just tenderly

fiercely.
endlessly.
relentlessly.
get through this thick skull of me.

scream at my brain, protect me from me
for i feel powerless and i’m lonely
like a prisoner waiting to be set free
as if i had no power. as if i wanted pity.

but will i still be whole if no one walks with me
or am i just a half sung melody?
a dead soul playing pretend urgency
as if i had somewhere i’m meant to be.