You were my calm, my anchor. I used to say you put me at the center of my universe. You provided me with the intimacy of being heard, being seen. You made me feel like I was worthy of love. And I thank you for that, from the deepest of my heart.
But I guess now we can finally say we tried our best and it just didn’t work. I guess now we can finally say we’re incompatible. That the timing doesn’t work. That the distance doesn’t work. That our situations don’t work.
That we’re simply not meant to be together.
I knew that there was no possible future in this lifetime in which we could be together the way I wanted us to be. And yet I gave it a try. And dare I say, I gave it my best. I really did all I could.
And I know you loved me as much as you could, too. Through affection, attention, and desire, you have sustained me for as long as we were together. However, when my burden became too real it grew beyond what you could care for. Not your fault, it’s totally fair. I know what you wanted from me: The fun, the escape, the playfulness, the fantasy that can take your stress away from your daily life.
But when my burdens became too real, stress and financial struggle changed me into a sad person. Stressed and anxious. Funny how not having money made me focus a lot more on money and sometimes I can’t even think of anything else. Let alone sex. And so I failed to provide you with the same lust, lighthearted playfulness, witty banter, the carefree jokes.
This was not what you signed up for. I get it.
I think we’ve just both reached the limits of what we could / were willing to give. Maybe now we can finally admit defeat.
Forever a Pretender 